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6/13/2009 @1:11 AM CT
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276 days ago
Uberbastard.com
Newest Episode: Fri June 12, 2009. 11:43 PM
Performance Art in Assholery
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Fri June 12, 2009. 11:43 PM
Today’s Hot Scientist is Kirsten Sanford, holds a B.S. in Conservation Biology and a Ph.D. in Molecular, Cellular and Integrative Physiology from U.C. Davis. Now when I say that Dr. Sanford is busy, it is no exaggeration. She’s a radio host, a contributer to The Skeptic Blog, and supposedly is producing her own web TV [...]
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Thu June 11, 2009. 04:57 PM
In commemoration of New York’s World Science Festival, I am going to work REALLY hard and pump out a full week of relatively famous hot babe scientists. In the past I have shared my mild fascination and celebrated the attractive women of science to somewhat mixed reviews. Since then I see that others have taken [...]
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Thu May 28, 2009. 04:33 AM
I happened to turn to the TV to find out I was watching “America’s Next Top Model”. I think it was some kind of rerun of the season opener since there was an inordinate amount of girls crying. I don’t mind the occasional girl crying on TV but I realized I have a limit of [...]
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Sun April 26, 2009. 01:47 AM
I decided to test my medical insurance the other day with one of my comprehensive annual exams where I prove I’m as healthy as a horse.  Guess what, I am, a very fat and lazy horse.
I like people who think out of the box so it was no surprise when I asked for a referral [...]
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Fri April 24, 2009. 09:27 AM
Twitterbound…
30 Rock quote of the day, “Lemon, don’t you have a slanket you should be filling with farts”
I came to bed to hear some BBC pompous English announcers discuss Ben Affleck’s ability as a movie’s potential antagonist, I think I want to stab myself with a spork.
Here is my ass in bed, now.

Is trhis visceral [...]
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Sat March 28, 2009. 03:46 AM
To start I want to reiterate how much I appreciate my little slice of heaven. I have it good, I have it good enough for two men my size. Actually, there are times when ‘the nurse’ will even make the excuse for me, she often blames my bad behavior on ‘THAT BASTARD’. I think this [...]
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Thu February 19, 2009. 12:03 PM
Speaking of girls, I was at the bar the other night (I know, no surprise) with my friendly neighborhood Irish bartender, a young couple was in discussion with an older woman sporting Dyke Haircut #4 (I’ll explain another time), they referred to a female friend of theirs as a ‘unicorn’. I’m afraid I might have [...]
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Mon January 26, 2009. 01:11 PM
OK, so I rarely mention current events here but sometimes these things just write themselves.

Over the weekend the UNC basketball team held a clinic for Special Olympics athletes.
This is also known as ‘Recruitment Day’.
I’m sorry, that is cheap. However, if true, I have some other suggestions for potential athletes.
Anyway, to apologize, here’s another potential Tarheel.

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Tue January 20, 2009. 09:23 AM
“If I was president,
I’d get elected on Friday, Assassinated on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday, Then go back to work on Monday.”
— Wyclef John
As we approach the inauguration there has been a lot of armchair presidents sneaking out of their basements. Everyone seems to have their own belief in where our new President should place his concern. [...]
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Fri January 09, 2009. 05:06 AM
I was going to talk about furries, but I realized they really get enough shit already. Floridians? Not so much.
I have noticed an uncomfortable amount of Florida License Plates up here on the roads these days. And I can tell you I’m not at all happy. I mean I still have friends in Florida (and [...]
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Mon December 29, 2008. 02:50 AM
No one more than I would have ever thought that any woman would put up with my antics for 5 whole years. What with the endless parade of strippers and ne’er-do-wells that I regularly associate. I can only say that Amy’s most admirable trait is her stubbornness, for the last 5 years I’ve been telling [...]
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Sat December 13, 2008. 01:13 AM
That’s right, it’s that time of year when we all celebrate the birth of the most amazing person on Earth, me. I know, I know, some people will once again disguise their festivities by saying they are praising some Latin guy with a similar name. But we all know it’s all about me and I [...]
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Fri November 28, 2008. 09:24 PM
Have you ever had a crap so large, undulating and amazing that you suffer postpartum depression when it was over? This morning was one such dump. I cried in the car on my way to work as I reminisced our time together. I’m still reeling from the loss. I named her Nessy. I had to, [...]
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Tue October 28, 2008. 12:10 AM
Today I just graduated from another course in interpersonal communications, no seriously. I have actually committed a great deal of time and other people’s money to the art of communicating effectively.
And I can tell you unequivocally that I am awesome at communicating. I am extremely effective at allowing you to understand my needs and reassuring [...]
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Fri October 17, 2008. 04:30 AM
Yesterday was the last Presidential debate, but you wouldn’t know it if you watched the news. Those candidates playing off each other’s talking points all day last week, it was like they were debating in the same room from different scenic backdrops.
I received four different over-sized glossy mailers today. I was averaging one a day [...]
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Mon September 29, 2008. 06:12 AM
A local female teacher got popped several weeks ago for having sex with one of her male students, another this weekend. And like usual, they are pretty damned attractive…. I can’t believe I can say ‘like usual’ and not be kidding. Now don’t get me wrong, I imagine there are ugly teachers having sex with [...]
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Thu September 04, 2008. 06:13 AM
I’ve started getting emails from concerned folks that NEEEEED to know how I’m doing. My mother even sent me a video email the other day to explain what a poor son I’ve been and how she is becoming an internerd to spite me. A video email?!?!? I know I’m talking about my mother here but [...]
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Fri August 29, 2008. 06:03 AM
Religious Freedom in North Carolina is most often defined as the freedom to be whatever Christian you choose to be. When we moved in, my next door neighbor wasn’t as concerned that we knew where the nearest grocery store or liquor store but rather which church offers services that correspond with our schedule.
On the way [...]
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Mon August 25, 2008. 01:58 AM
I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome the opening ceremonies of the Olympics were, I am trying not to be all gay and stuff, but was near tears there. The closing ceremonies were no less amazing. If you were to interpret the imagery there I can only assume that they plan on taking [...]
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Sat August 02, 2008. 12:56 AM
The unfortunate aspect of eating rabbit is it almost never comes without a fair share of bones. And so went my first trip to Watts Grocery, the busy local Broad St eatery served its sweet braised bunny in a bed of risotto that was given far more attention than the meat. I fear the chef [...]
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